The Leash

I used to dream

Of being carefree.

The girl who floats on feathers through each day

With only a smile on her face

And an intact heart,

One not drawn together by delicate stitches.

It would be easier, 

Not worrying

About how it could all crumble.

I used to think

That was a possibility for me,

That with just enough practice, I could Let Go. 

Now I understand

People like me do not get to feel that release.

To free our spirits like the golden birds I've seen soaring in a dream. 

When we constantly clutch that harrowing thought to the backs of our heads,

Begging it to stay below the surface, to drown,

But always pulling it forward.

'Everything, all we are, can suddenly be stolen away.' 

We know of the sheer number of people,

Persistent in our nightmares, we've memorized them,

The masses who do not care whether our will to live remain.

We feel the sting of the glances they are certain we do not see,

The ice of the murmurs intended for a laugh or a rise.

They forget their offenses, but our memories are not as forgiving-

Each gash leaves an immovable scar behind. 

Nonetheless my efforts persevere,

Inconsequential as they seem to feel.

My attempts to set myself free,

To dream of life seen through cloudless eyes, and to live with a heart beating with ease

Will someday evade Their engulfing lies. 

But today, the leash wrenches me back within Their reach.